Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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