You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
Randomize
