no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
