I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Randomize
