Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
