just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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