i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Randomize
