when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
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