he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
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