and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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