i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Randomize
