My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Randomize
