im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
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