He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
