I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
