So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
