So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
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