I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
