I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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