I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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