the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
