He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize
