the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
Randomize
