What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
Farmville is her only friend.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
Randomize
