She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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