if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
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