Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Randomize
