She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
Randomize
