dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
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