HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Randomize
