i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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