someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
