We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
Randomize