she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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