just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
