Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
