We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
