How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
Randomize
