if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Randomize
