i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
Randomize
