You work out of a Hotel?
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
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