I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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