this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
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