This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Randomize
