Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Randomize
