Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Randomize
