I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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