four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
Randomize
