Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
