I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
Randomize
