she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
