Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
