i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
Randomize
