Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
Randomize
