Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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