Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Randomize
