I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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