You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
