Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
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