I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
Can I color on your dick again?
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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