Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
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