my phone needs a breathalizer
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
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