So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
