i just had sex bonerless
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Randomize
