High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize