Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Randomize