I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Randomize
