Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
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