like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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