I wish I could teleport
Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize