told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
