I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Randomize
