I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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