Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
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