I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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