it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Randomize
