My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
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