just come out here and I will go home with you...
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
sarcasm needs its own font
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Randomize
