Umm I'm too high to move.
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
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