We need to rekindle our bromance
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Randomize
