i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
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