this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
Randomize
