Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Randomize
